I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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