maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
