I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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