During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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