i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
