I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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