I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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