Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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