I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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