YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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