some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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