Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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