i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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