I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
