I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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