by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
