I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
