So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
