3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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