I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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