Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We got so high we made milksteak
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
