: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
