I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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