I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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