Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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