if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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