drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
