so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
