i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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