he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
