My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
