Pappa wants mamma naked
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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