so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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