I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
