dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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