there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
