I wish i was in the wii world.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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