My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
