The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
