Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
