Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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