WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
