Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
