these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
