so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
