no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize