Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
