Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
