he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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