Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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