They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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