oh god the rape fog is back!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
