very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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