She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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