So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
