Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
