He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He shit in the fireplace
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
