I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
