we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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