Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
