how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
