Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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