Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
