I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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