Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
