The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
