Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
